Guilty Of Crimes Against Literature.

At the risk of being branded a "Hater" I would just like to bring your attention to this ...Ahem, biography by/of Lauren Goodger of TOWIE fame.

For those of you out there that don't know, and I wish to the Magic-8-Ball that I didn't.
"The Only Way Is Essex."

The Story So Far...

This is now the sixth time that I've started this blog today. The issue I'm having is one of tone. Initially I thought it would be a piece about excitement. Last night I found out I would receive a call today from the publishing house I've been courting. So, it's fair to say I was very excited.

The call itself was very useful one, if for no other reason than to actually talk to someone. The publishing business is strange, in most cases it's email contact only and you need the patience of a fly fisherman. (Come to me, you lovely publishing trout). You sit around waiting for the deliberations to be made about your work. Everyone who knows what's going on always asks... "Anything?" To which you reply full of hope... "Is there bollocks!"

You may have poured months if not years of your life into those pages, but nobody cares... There's always more pressing business than yours.

The Story So Far...

Hello and welcome back to 2013. I was thinking, that some sort of "Happy New Year" would be appropriate at this point. There you go then... Glad we have that out of the way, broken the Ice, so to speak.

I have news, of sorts. One, maybe two of my Microfictions are going to be published. Yes, I know right. Exciting stuff, I was hoping to be able to tell you more but I haven't received anything official yet. I don't even know which issue. So, it would be safe to say that I will be posting again, sooner rather than later to fill you in.

The Story So Far...

Ha ha, I'm so annoyed with myself... Why? I hear you ask, well let me tell you. I, as do many other borderline creative types, like to keep a notebook handy. You just never know when an idea will strike, and I'm buggered if I can remember that same earth shattering gem two minutes later. And as for the ideas that won't let me sleep...

So, it's a pad by the bed, notebook in my jacket pocket and yet another larger one in my bag... You get the idea.

The Story So Far...

Dartington Hall

Hmm, August already... I know what you're thinking, what happened to July? Right, I know, it shot past. I had some fun, mostly in the guise of work. I also had a birthday, yes indeed I'm getting old. So back to this fun stuff.

In July I attended (which is code for worked many, many long days) the WAYS WITH WORDS literary festival. A ten day event, held at the beautiful Dartington hall.

The Story So Far...

What a terrifying thing it is to want to be a writer. When I say "want to be" obviously I mean a published writer. Of course, when I talk about published, I'm talking about "Traditional publishing" that's in print, in a book made of paper and ink, that can be found on a shelf in a shop (or purchased from the Internet). A book that I didn't have to pay for and if I'm really lucky, gets me paid.

Why terrifying? I hear you gasp. Let me break it down for you. Cue the music! What, no music - Okay hum along with me (the "Knight Rider" theme will do... No, the original one. Jesus, you crazy kids).

Just a Thought - Sexy Vampires... Really?

I would like to know who was the first oh-so-clever person who happened to wake up one morning and think to themselves... 'Oh yeah, you know what we need "Sexy Vampires" that can get all rude and dirty and stuff... and maybe don't go poof in the sun, cause that would be a dull story. Maybe we should just have them have a lot of sex and squirt their non existent Vampy love juice all over some kinky types.'

So if Vamps are - undead - cannot have babies, don't have a working circulatory system... How do they get it up? Erections need blood, it pumps from one head to the other (yes, I know it's more complicated than that). Wait for it, I can hear your cogs turning... Don't you dare answer with - "They drink blood!" - Shame on you, I eat steak, does this fuel my rampaging man-thing? Cause it doesn't (well it does but, once again it's complicated).