Monday, 18 February 2013

Guilty Of Crimes Against Literature.

At the risk of being branded a "Hater" I would just like to bring your attention to this ...Ahem, biography by/of Lauren Goodger of TOWIE fame.

For those of you out there that don't know, and I wish to the Magic-8-Ball that I didn't.
"The Only Way Is Essex."

Yes, this is just one of many pointless "celebrity" biographies that are published every year. So what have I seen in this one that has made me so mad?


At the end of yet another pointless paragraph of her droning on about how she likes blah blah smeared around her blah blah (you know she's a hairdresser?) And how blah, broke her blah, and how she will never blah again. There's a fucking smiley face. Don't get me wrong that's fine in a text message - allows you to say all sorts of nasty/funny things and get away with it. ; P ...See, that was me winking and sticking my tongue out. However, in a book? Where you string together thousands of words, which in turn tells a story, that should have the ability to move, shock and maybe even thrill its reader...

It could happen, I suppose, even in this lame true life story. (At this point I should make you aware that I have only read a few pages at random.) This little cat thing even appears -

I don't even know what this is meant to mean. Maybe, as my extensive Internet research has failed to uncover, it could mean - Fear, or displeasure, it may even be an invitation to a cat fight after closing in the pub's car park. How the fuck would I know! I'm a grown up and I like to use my words...

Lauren Goodger - You have here by been sentenced for your crimes against literature. I find you guilty as charged. I hope your ghost writer feels an amount of shame, and even counting their fee makes them feel dirty (and not in a good way). Unfortunately this book like so many of its type will still sell, and I suspect will still go mostly unread. There are, after all, far too many words in it for your average twelve year old, and in my opinion, it should have had far more pictures punctuated with text speak.


Until next time...

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